Conan O'Brien Knocks Out Jay Leno During Brawl

Conan O'Brien has had just about enough of Jay Leno's imposing on his new late night job as host of The Tonight Show. Leno and O'Brien ran into each other in LA one morning and Conan LAID HIM OUT for being "such an asshat"!!

"He had it coming," said Conan. "I have a much better reach than Leno and my cardio is better.. Even if I hadn't knocked him out, he would have gassed early and I was planning on submitting him." When Leno came to, he was dazed and not sure what had just happened for several minutes.

There is no word whether Leno will press charges, according to a spokesperson.

Rumors have now surfaced that Conan O'Brien may be extended an offer by the UFC for a high-profile MMA fighting contract. O'Brien could not be reached for comment on this.

Leno is to receive extra makeup before his shows for the next couple of weeks to conceal the bruise and cut between his eye and upper jaw.

Diego Has Hot Chicks Visiting All The Time

Diego is so cool he has hot women taking him out to get his car fixed and other delights!

His house is a 24/7 party similar to the Playboy mansion, except that he keeps the place pressurized at 88 bar since he's from a different planet. The girls have to wear antique deep sea outfits to avoid being crushed.

Charlie Sheen's Home Haunted by Civil War Soldiers

Charlie Sheen awoke to the sound of Civil War soldiers arguing about rationing beans for the harsh winter. When he realized he could see through them and he wasn't having a dream, he jumped up and clung to a nearby chandelier until help arrived.

In related news, Walter just got carbon fiber eardrums installed.. he can hear so many things happening that every audible frequency from various sources are constantly being played in his mind.. it was worth the money!!

Why are you even reading this?!?!??!?!!

Lil Wayne Punked by Katie Couric during interview

Lil Wayne thought he had decapitated Katie Couric on TV, but when she popped her real head out of her sweater, they both had a good laugh.

Later on, they took turns bowling with the cloned Couric head as a bowling ball. "I love to bowl," noted Wayne. Couric, unable to reach the pins with her false noggin, resorted to punting the head downlane, teeing off with a Big Bertha driver and using the shotput technique on her way to bowling a 129 to Weezy's 205.

Katie Couric's cloned head may appear in an upcoming Lil Wayne video -- keep an eye out and see if you can spot it!

Conan O'Brien Soldered a .357 Magnum to His Fridge

Have you ever wanted to get a great job and make lots of money? So did Conan O'Brien, and his dream came true. Also, he takes a 20 gram horse pill vitamin each morning and washes it down with barium. Don't tell him I said so, because he'll shut off the power to my house (it has happened before).

There's more than one way to get rich, but the best way is to convince local businesses to accept Monopoly money and buy a few of the games.

A '98 Ford Windstar with political secrets.

Michael Jordan Hit a Golf Ball Into Traffic

Michael Jordan drove a golf ball into rush hour traffic last week and smashed the windshield out of a garbage truck. To get the ball back, he did thousands of consecutive cartwheels around the truck, first in a wide circle, and then in ever more narrowing circles until he reached it. When Jordan reached the truck, he phoned Karl Amonite and left a paranoid voice mail message asking for backup and then broke his phone in half like a pencil.

Imagine Michael Jordan in a Gone With the Wind-type scenario wearing an old fashioned suit getup and speaking like a wiseguy. He can walk past a stone monument and grab a chunk out of it.

In related news, Gwyneth Paltrow built a 16-barrel carburetor and installed it on her Mercedes then tuned it until the car began producing fuel and the exhaust smelled like peppermints. Imagine being run over by an excavation crane every morning.