When Jessica Simpson went on a tropical vacation this year, she grabbed 2 fully grown palm trees and tied their trunks in a knot. To celebrate her accomplishment, she pepper sprayed herself into submission and immediately got OWNED by a pelican!!!!11!!1!1!!!!!A nearby resort employee noticed and drove a lexus LS460h onto a half pipe at the X-Games and did insane tricks that no one could even imagine, while picking out a ringtone on his iPhone.
In unrelated news, Lloyd Banks snatched a commercial A/C unit at the Summer Olympics on Jupiter and won a medal made from an element of which the scientific community is not yet aware.
Nonsense
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