Khadija Just Bought an iPhone and Skipped it Across Lake Michigan

...All the way across, btw she can do pullups with 5 cops hanging off of her.

Carmen San Diego rented a piece of tape for 20 minutes and sent a spoof email to Travis Davis asking if he was satisfied with his current 3g network.

Imagine Shaq with 4" diameter eyes and everything else the same.

Dennis Got Rich and Plugged a USB Cable Into His Dome

Lenny Kravitz was sitting indian style in an overgrown meadow covered in deadly ants and he flinched so suddenly that it made a mile-deep crater; imagine him playing a guitar accurately with a cane pole from 20 feet away in gale force winds!

Dwight Howard Eats Stainless Steel Nuts and Washers

Breaking News:

Ronnie bought a '98 Celica and lifted it 2 feet on the first four stone wheels ever conceived, then stuffed the entire trunk with money and worthless stocks and did tricks like Herbie Goes Bananas shortly before being arrested by Target.

Check back for updates because Mel just put a downpayment on an Apache helicopter and invited everyone for a trip to Cuba.

Walter went to Blockbuster and verbally peeled out on the drama aisle

The manager was counting the money in the cash register and her eyes turned into christmas ornaments and shattered like supernovae

Mark used to do commercials for Enron and after wrapping up one day, he put on a 10-gallon hat and flung boiling mercury all over the crew, then giggled at a frequency that caused the earth's atmosphere to turn into a plasma

Dwight Howard threw out a cast net at the mall and caught several teenagers and a security guard