Conan O'Brien Knocks Out Jay Leno During Brawl

Conan O'Brien has had just about enough of Jay Leno's imposing on his new late night job as host of The Tonight Show. Leno and O'Brien ran into each other in LA one morning and Conan LAID HIM OUT for being "such an asshat"!!

"He had it coming," said Conan. "I have a much better reach than Leno and my cardio is better.. Even if I hadn't knocked him out, he would have gassed early and I was planning on submitting him." When Leno came to, he was dazed and not sure what had just happened for several minutes.

There is no word whether Leno will press charges, according to a spokesperson.

Rumors have now surfaced that Conan O'Brien may be extended an offer by the UFC for a high-profile MMA fighting contract. O'Brien could not be reached for comment on this.

Leno is to receive extra makeup before his shows for the next couple of weeks to conceal the bruise and cut between his eye and upper jaw.

Diego Has Hot Chicks Visiting All The Time

Diego is so cool he has hot women taking him out to get his car fixed and other delights!

His house is a 24/7 party similar to the Playboy mansion, except that he keeps the place pressurized at 88 bar since he's from a different planet. The girls have to wear antique deep sea outfits to avoid being crushed.

Charlie Sheen's Home Haunted by Civil War Soldiers

Charlie Sheen awoke to the sound of Civil War soldiers arguing about rationing beans for the harsh winter. When he realized he could see through them and he wasn't having a dream, he jumped up and clung to a nearby chandelier until help arrived.

In related news, Walter just got carbon fiber eardrums installed.. he can hear so many things happening that every audible frequency from various sources are constantly being played in his mind.. it was worth the money!!

Why are you even reading this?!?!??!?!!